Loss and Memories
December has always been a hard month for me. Every year as it rolls around, I hope to get through with some peace of mind. The only girl who showed me genuine kindness in elementary school passed away in an accident in December 2008. This past May, a close friend from high school also died in an accident. Both of their birthdays are in December. I miss these people very much every day and remember them often during the winter months. There is nothing that can fill the void they left, but their memories are what keep them alive today.
An experience I had as a child that really impacted the way I see loss was the death of my stepmother’s grandmother. I didn’t know her, for starters. I may have met her once or twice at one point, but when she died, I watched as my family mourned someone I didn’t know. I believe this was when I truly became an emotional person. I cried for her and my family’s sadness. When one of my siblings would get hurt too bad or get a shot at the hospital, I would cry, as if it hurt me as well. Every pain or emotion I felt was extreme to me and most of it didn’t make sense. Growing up in a household that didn’t welcome negative emotions, I was told I was being dramatic and not to “make a mountain out of a mole hill”. I may have not let this make me someone who holds in their emotions, but especially at this age, it is hard to approach people about how things make you feel when you feel so much.
The death of the girl from my elementary school affected me extremely, even though I didn’t know her that well either. She was a nice girl who probably saved me from getting picked on for too long at one point. A kind soul who I know deserved better than the end she was met with. While I was very young at the time, I had no good friends in school and was the only girl picked on badly by the boys in my grade. This girl’s kindness stuck with me and because of that, I cried for months after her death. Her memory is something I carry with me in my heart, though, every where that I go. I told myself, ever so long ago, that as long as she remains a memory in my mind, she is still here.
Memories can be such powerful reminders of those we've lost; keeping them alive in our hearts and minds. Each memory, good or bad, links us to important moments in our lives and relationships. We often overlook how significant these memories are, thinking of them as just the past. However, they carry emotions, lessons, and lasting impacts. As we go on without our loved ones, these memories can offer comfort, helping us through our grief and connecting us to our shared experiences.
There are so many things I wish I could have done differently in life. I wish I could have given my friends one last hug before they passed. Or that I spent more time with my siblings when I was younger. Wishing to change the past doesn’t do anything good, though, so we must continue our journey. For ourselves and for the people who couldn’t finish theirs.
Hold on to every memory that you call dear and take the time to grieve. If it weren’t for the hard times, the good times wouldn’t feel so deserving.
